Still pissed, and tommarow isn't going to be better.
Tomorrow I have to go back to school, and that means that I’ll be riding with those assholes. Good think the last class isn't going to meet tomorrow, so only one 3 hour class and two 1 hour drives with them (I might take the turnpike just so I don't have to be in my car with them that long). I think I’m going to piss them off tomorrow, just to be an ass; I think I’ll have to dig around my cd collection and find every fucked up song I have and put it on a cd, and play them as loud as I can. I might dig out some death metal mp3s, they'll love that shit, hell I can hardly listen to it for long myself; but just knowing that they are enjoying it less will make me happy.
I just got back from eating some Chinese food and I got a fortune cookie. My little cookie said, "You will soon receive an unusual proposition." Wow, I hope it's good; I’d like it if someone would ask me out, guy or girl. If a girl, I’ll laugh in her face, and say no thanks; if a guy... I’ll say yes, and then do a happy dance. So anyone out there that either wants to be laughed at or see a happy dance, I live in Bristow. :)
posted by Brian Smith @ 3:54 PM
8 Comments:
So I don't have to wade through your pages and pages of archives: Who are the "assholes" you have to ride with and why are they labeled so?
BTW- I agree with Koge, that pic isn't so bad :-)
The assholes are people i car pool to school and back with. We have the same class schedule every year, for 4 years going on now 5 years (if you want you can add 2 more years, because we road the bus together during Tech). One i known from grade school, and the other from high school. The one i know from grade school, lives only a couple miles down the road from me. And why are they assholes? Here. They use to not get on my nerves, but the last couple semesters they've been bringing up gays in a not-so-positive light. Since I am gay, I take every thing they say as a personal attack, and it's pissing me off.
And thanks for saying that about my pic
OH YEA! thanks too Koge... (i forgot to say that in my response to him)
uh yeah, assholes seems EXTREMELY appropriate. Is it your car that the assholes use? If so I think they should try hitching this semester. I know its tough NOT to let conversations like that bother you, but that's exactly what the homophobes/religious right want. Show them WE are stronger!
I drive my car 1 out of every 3 weeks, and they drive theirs the other 2 weeks. If I could afford the gas (I live pretty far away from the school) I would kick them to the curb, but since I have no job or the time for one, I’m stuck with them.
I know your right; I shouldn't let it get to me. I know what they say isn't true, but what bothers me is that they think of it as the truth and then turn around convincing others that they are right. I've believed those types of people when i was younger. I believed I was going to hell, if i didn't change; maybe that’s why i lost my religion, who knows. All I do know is that they're others in the same position i was in, believing the lies that they are told, and hoping that it will go away. I just hope something changes for the better, soon; I don't want anyone to waste their life like i have wasted mine, and doubt their worth like I have.
We've all been there. Intolerance and misinformation run rampant. That's not going to change overnight. I felt the same way you did for a very long time. But as I said in my blog today, things are better than they were 10 years ago. We also have the power to make our voices heard, stand up for our rights, and set the record straight. You are helping in that fight- everytime you disagree with them or refute their arguments is another step in the right direction. Their kind needs countless steps! Hang in there.
But I feel like I could do much more to help, but I’m not. I cannot until I come out fully. I'm seriously considering selecting gay rights in the work place as my oral report due at the end of the semester, and including in it how its effecting people I know and maybe how it will affect me. Not only so I can push myself in a corner, and force myself to confront it head on, but to bring it up; to let people know how I and other gay people feel. If I do select it I have a couple months to gain the courage to do it, but if I do, there is a chance that I cannot attend college anymore (my parents would learn from them, and they might freak out). But everyday I keep caring less about college and more about making myself known, the me that they might not accept.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be out, I remember that I, in the past, used the excuse that I couldn't come out, because I didn't have anywhere else to live. But when I came out to my sisters, and they told me that if they (my parents) did kick me out I could live with them, my excuse changed to that I needed to finish college (my parents are paying for it) before coming out. I wonder if there will be a new excuse when I finish college?
But no matter what or how good the excuse (except the one I’m going to tell) I have one rule set in stone; when I meet a guy, I will come out no matter what may happen to me (excuse-> if it would effect him I would keep it secret though, if he wished; because it's more about showing him respect then it is about me).
The best piece of advice I can give you is to NOT rush this process. I fully understand the burning desire to take out a full page ad in the newspaper and tell everyone. But in the end, that creates many more problems than good.
Yes you're gay, but that's not all you are! It's easy to let that consume you and take precedence over everything else (school, relationships, etc). Coming out to parents is a very delicate situation. My advice is always to wait as long as possible- until you have finished school, have a job, and are financially independant. None of us knows how our parents will react. I waited until I was 24- in my own place, supporting myself, before I told my parents. Yeah, it was a long time, but you need to CAREFULLY assess your odds and options.
THe gay topics for school are a good start. But don't back yourself into a corner. Trust in yourself to complete this process at your own pace. Deadlines and ultimatums won't make anything easier in the end.
You're taking some brave and awesome steps in the right direction. Take your time. You'll get there in the end!
Coming out is the most important thing in my life right now, I know that being gay isn't all I am, but it's the only thing that I’m not fully exploring. I want to go out and talk to other gay guys, I want to meet someone, I want everyone to know, and I want to fully stand up and proclaim that I am gay; and love it or hate it, that will always be a part of me. But the closet is inhibiting me from accomplishing those things; I barely got to ride around with that gay guy from where I live, without having to come out to my dad. I made up a convincing lie, so I got to go, but I don't want to lie about it anymore. I know that I have to wait, but everyday it's becoming more and more difficult, and now that I’m actually talking about it (my blog), it's becoming almost impossible.
I did pick a topic over discrimination; I hope that I can do it justice. I didn't put myself too far in the corner, just enough where there is still an escape; Instead of saying gay rights, I said discrimination, so I could go the Race/Sex/Age route instead of just the homosexual one. But I know myself, and when I think of something (for a report for class, at least), it's hard to think of anything else.
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