I feel like shit...

The closer OCT 11 comes the worse I feel, I’ve been so nervous lately. I was setting in class today, looking at my planner, and right there it was in black and white, the date circled (like I would forget). It’s been bugging me ever since I picked that date, I’ve been mildly sick since then, and worried.

I’ve been hounded by thoughts of that day, wondering how to go about it. I’m totally lost, I can just walk up to them and say “hay I’m gay”. How do I bring it up? It isn’t like we talk to each other much, we have too different of schedules, and we never really talked much anyways. Agh, this is frustrating.

Also I’ve been sick lately, just a couple headaches and a little bit nauseous time-to-time, nothing big. But almost everyday! I know it’s just nerves, and that I’m going to be a lot worse when I actually come out. I’ve always felt a whole lot better after coming out to someone, but the next day I stagger around in disbelief and my stomach kicks my ass, like if I eat anything I’ll just throw it back up.

And as always, I’m worried, I don’t know what’s going to happen when I come out, but I can almost guarantee that it’s not going to be worse then staying in the closet. I’m also worried that I’m going to back out at the last minute; I’m afraid that if I back out now I’m never going to do it, and my worst fear will come true, that I’ll never be known for who I am.

Even though these things are trying to stop me, I have to try; I need to stand up and be known, so I can move forward.

[EDIT]
Does anyone know if stress can cause muscle spasms? I've noticed that my palm recently has been going crazy, it's happened before but not as frequently as it has been today. Hmmm.. I might have to check webmd or some shit like that.

[EDIT]
WEB MD:
"Symptoms of stress-related illnesses include fatigue, insomnia, headaches, indigestion, irritability, muscle spasms, changes in eating habits, and the inability to concentrate."

LOL... I've have almost all of them... Expecialy the "Inability to Concentrate". I don't know if it's my coming out process or my teachers are boring, but i haven't been able to concentrate during class.