Shareing, weather i like it or not.

Remember Deeper into the Abyss?
Remember when i said

Btw. this is the second Draft, the original I created earlier when I was teary eyed. After reading it I felt that I was not ready to post it. Its too raw, it made me uncomfortable, and it’s too grim even for me.

Well i was messaging someone, and i mentioned that i had one entry i didn't post, well here it is; weather i like it or not, exactly like i was going to post it.
--
Deeper Into the Abyss.

Created: July 17, 2004 - 3:10am


I'm crying while i dictate this so excuse the mess, but i have to get this off my chest. Just a minute ago i was so happy, but i guess it was a false Happiness, like my false life. i'm teary because i just though about something i have never seriously thought about before, ending my life. i'm i so broken? that i cannot be repaired. the thought just came over me, "what if i was dead, that would be easier." as i right this i'm experiencing extreme anger. but not at myself, at those who made me this way.

i've looked up my teachers email address, and i'm seriously thinking about contacting her. i know that i cannot tell her in person, if i did i would surly break down further then i am now. but i cant just tell her, how will she take it, will she have to tell the school? i'm thinking of sending her an email asking about her stance/obligation on privacy. she’s the only one i think i can trust. This world i hate why does it make me feel this way, was i created to be a victim? Does my future hold only my death; well my death is not going to be today, tomorrow, or anytime soon. If you want me dead, you'll have to kill me. I'm the hydra, you kill me two will emerge.

NM i will kill myself, but not what you think. I'll kill the old me, let the new arise. I Either can out myself willingly or by force. i'm tired of myself. i realize that my only true foe in this world is myself, and its time to end this. end the pain, end the lies, end the suffering, end it all and rise like a phoenix, from the ashes covered in sute. Have you seen anything more beautiful then what i want to become?

I'll post this now, but i might delete it soon, its too painful.
---
Ok i've had this window open for awhile, not posting it, but fuck it.. here it goes.