Where to begin?

Well lets start off saying that I still don’t know if my mom knows or not, I’m almost certain that my dad doesn’t know; but I’m going to consider myself out. I’m not hiding it, I’m not going to lie about it, I’m just going to let people find out on their own when they see me. I’m going to start wearing stuff that shows that I’m proud, and I’m not going to be ashamed no matter what they do.

Today I came out to the people I car pool with, the assholes; they seen me wearing my little flag patch and my pride sweatband and asked me if that was gay pride stuff, I said yes. Then they walked away. So I fallowed, they were not going to disrespect me like that, not after all I’ve been through. Finally, they started talking to me, but nothing about me being gay, just the regular old bullshit. I really don’t care what they think, if their cool with it good, if not they’re just a ride to school.

Well I wore my flag patch and sweatband all day today, I had no bad reactions, there were even a group of guys that were in the army and they didn’t say shit either; and everyone of them looked like a stereotypical homophobe. It was kind of nerve racking, but I knew that this is something I needed to do. I finally found out how to deal with the closet; take all that pain, fear, and guilt that comes from it and compare it to the pain, fear, and guilt that comes from being in it. The pain I caused by being in the closet will far out weight any pain inflicted upon me from guilt of being out. And if I only stop listing to people’s options and stop trying to caterer to their comforts before mine, there will be no pain from being out.

Tomarrow will be my first day of freedom; I guess that I’m going to be reborn on my birthday.

23 years, and I’m just starting to live.

I've got a gun in my hand and I feel like a man
I'm the pope of my generation
I've gotta push myself over your goddamn walls
I don't listen to your condemnation

Can't you see the pain that you bring
Is only because of everything
That you wish to stop and bring to an end
But it only makes me hate you more

Careful what you wish for
It can only bring you down
Keep your spirit on the ground
Emptiness the only sound

I know what it takes to break you
And I'll kill everything that made you
I know what it takes to break you down

Take everything that you tried to teach me
It don't add up to a pile of shit
All the methods you used as you tried to reach me
They don't matter not a single bit

I'm alright inside, I'm just trying to hide
From all the propaganda you once choked me with
Keep your face away, keep your hands away
Don't want your fingers in and out of my life

I know what it takes to break you
I know what it takes to break you down
And I'll kill everything that made you
I know what it takes to break you down

I know what it takes to break you
And I'll kill everything that made you

I know what it takes to break you
I know what it takes to break you down
And I'll kill everything that made you
I know what it takes to break you down

~ gODHEAD

P.S.
I added a new link to my side bar, Mindless Wondering, check it out.