Went to the Fair… rode the emotional roller coaster.

I just got back from the fair in Tulsa, I go every year, but this is the first time I went feeling like I was a walking piece of lying shit. I usually don’t bring my problems with me to the fair, this time I did, and packed a few extra just incase I needed them. It started out shitty and it ended pretty much the same way.

First there was no parking, we drove around forever until we found one. And we found one near the farm building. REDNECKS! Yea, lots of them. I had to get out of there fast. Then I seen gay people! Or at least they were walking close enough (aka almost tripping over each other) to be gay. They also had some nice cloths one too, so that’s another gay point. Then I seen a shit load of straight couples holding hands, making out, and shit. That bummed me out, I couldn’t help but think that they have it care free; no one was starting at them in disgust or anything, it kinda pissed me off. Then I walked around for awhile, the whole time sinking deeper. Then I seen them, a gay couple, showing undeniable affection for another. I didn’t see it at first, I just seen two guys standing a little two close, and I just though that it looked a little gay; and I didn’t think anymore about it, just that they were just crowded together. I made my way around that booth, then there it was, his hand on the others chest. His hand over the others heart while they talked. I’ve never seen anything like it, In Oklahoma, or anywhere for a matter of fact, never that intimate. I’m positive I want something like that, no matter who is hurt by it, and that is an image that I need to keep conjuring up to give me strength. That I’m going to have to make a change if I want anything remotely as beautiful as that.

I walked around the expo building, then I seen something, something out of place, a pride flag; or what I though was a pride flag. Compelled, it drew me near. It wasn’t a flag at all, it was a kite (WTF! I was like that too). So I was still interested, I proceeded to get closer, it was the local channel 8 news’ booth. I decided that I was already heading over that way might as well go to that side of the building. I passed the booth; it was for channel 8’s “Waiting Child”. Waiting Child is a segment that shows a kid or kids that need a home; it was almost a slap in the face. It was like they were rubbing gay people’s faces in it, we have a problem in Oklahoma with adopting children, and they were putting rainbows and shit all over that booth? They didn’t have an excuse, Channel 8 is ABC, I could see if it was CBS, but ABC? Really, what were the rainbows for? All I could help to think is that those children wouldn’t be waiting, if Oklahoma got it’s head out of it’s ass.

Then after that I seen countless “lesbians”, I don’t know if they were lesbians, or they were just holding hands because that’s what girls do. I use to think that lesbians have it easy, but now I think that they are probably confused most of the time. At least when I see two men holding hands, it’s has a 99.9999% possibility that they are gay, but girls hold hands all the time; Hell, I’m confused.

I also seen an act at the fair that had people doing snowboarding/Ski/Trampoline (not kidding) tricks. One of the guys that was doing the Trampoline tricks was fucking hot. He suppose to be some bad ass Trampoline guy that went to the Olympics, and they said that he was the only one of them from Oklahoma. I didn’t even know they had Trampoline tricks in the Olympics. Awhile after the little show ended, I decided to go home. While walking out of the little arena they had i thought to myself, "what i just ran away from it all, start new somewhere else. Maybe i could join the carnies", correcting myself i thought, "well there not carnies.. there... Fair-ies.. THEY ARE MY PEOPLE!", which brought a smile to my face and probably made a few people wonder why this motherfucker was smiling all of a sudden.

I didn’t buy much this year, all I got was a big Nine Inch Nails Poster, a Nine Inch Nails Sticker, and a anti-bush button, which I wore around the republican booth; I really didn't feel like buying anything at all in the first place. While leaving I started to feel like shit again, but now I feel indifferent, I’m neither happy or sad; I’m just afraid what tomorrow will bring.

Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?
~ Ernest Gaines