This Blog is a documentation, a day-to-day account of my coming out process. This is here so people can read, and see where i've made mistakes and where i've made progress, so that during their coming out they can attempt to avoid or emulate those things. It is also here, to show the struggle me and many others have faced, when coming to terms with our sexuality.
Uhhh.. my mini pride flag.
posted by Brian Smith @ 6:50 PM
This Blog is a documentation, a day-to-day account of my coming out process. This is here so people can read, and see where i've made mistakes and where i've made progress, so that during their coming out they can attempt to avoid or emulate those things. It is also here, to show the struggle me and many others have faced, when coming to terms with our sexuality.
Citizen by day... who knows about the night... muhahahah!
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4 Comments:
Hope your day went well, and that if anyone did "figure things out" they were good about it. I am sorry that you ended up feeling defeated. It sucks. I remember tip-toeing around things the during the first holiday I was home after I had come out to myself. I hated it and felt so terrible. Once I had come out to my family and was just "out" it was so much easier. The coming out to them was rough and took some time, but life is so much better now. I have always thought of coming out as living my truth, it is something I haven't been willing to compromise since I allowed myself to discover this facet of myself. I respect that everyone has their own journey, but I always try to encourage people to live their truth. Of course it is important to respect the people in your life, your family and friends, but for me the priority is to be honest. It was too hard, and I have felt so much more alive and free since coming out, god--8 years ago. I am getting so old, haha.
Anyway, enough babbling! I do hope you had a good holiday.
Smiles,
Michelle
I think this was ‘the straw the broke the camels back’, I’ve spent all my life trying to ‘protect’ these people from my secrete, and the whole time I never allowed myself to explore what was out there. I still haven’t explored this part fully, but I’ve dipped my toes in there a couple times. And I’ve found that it really isn’t worth hiding, I’m currently feeling that if they all had a extremely bad reaction, it wouldn’t be as bad as keeping this secrete for another year or two.
I keep thinking that if I waited longer then I did, I would never have met the gay guy from Bristow; who has been a big help. When I’m riding with him, I feel different; that I’m not nervous because I think that he might be upset that I’m gay or he is disappointed that I’m gay; I’m just nervous because I’m always nervous. So I keep thinking if I keep hiding I might miss out on other great things.
I’m striving to be honest with this part of my life, and if anyone straight-up asks me I will be honest. I’m tired of feeling like I’m half a person, that there is a important part of me that I have to keep hidden. Some may argue, but it’s not a big deal who I sleep and fall in love with; as long as I’m happy, it shouldn’t matter if it’s a woman or a man.
I think once you get to this point, it is just a matter of time. It is unfortunate that so many of us spend so many years either in denial or in fear of rejection. I can't tell you how much my confidence grew once I came out. I relaized that the people who really loved me were going to love me no matter what and I was willing to walk away from the people who would judge me or reject me simply because I am gay.
Keeping a secret as big as your identity is hard and it can wear on you. I am glad that you have found outlets where you can be yourself and are comfortable. I hope you continue to find more outlets and find that you are loved and supported.
Smiles,
Michelle
I use to think that i could live my life in the closet, but it has wore me down. I was miserable all during High School, and most of college. It isn't worth it, and if people cannot accept or handle this part of me then i can do without them. I'd rather find love and loose a couple people, then be miserable and grow bitter toward those I'm trying to hide from.
I also hope that i can find more outlets, maybe one day i can find the courage to explore those avenues.
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