6! 6 I Say!

Now there are 6 people I know that know, I just told my little sister’s boyfriend.

It was kinda awkward, and I did my little thing I do; manipulate the situation. I had my receipt and I made a big deal about destroying it, and they asked why, like I planned. And I asked him if he was sure he wanted to know. And he responded with a yes. So I told him to look in the sack, the sack that contained the book I bought yesterday. He went over and got it, and looked inside, pulled out the book, and read the title. He chuckled a little, and asked me what this [the book] was for. All I said was “yea.”, and he promptly responded with “oh.”(I think he just said oh, maybe something else but all I remember is oh.).

Then he started asking me questions, questions that neither my sisters nor anyone else has asked, basic questions. Like how long did I know, and if my parents knew (well I think my sisters might of asked that one). Which made me feel pretty good about the whole situation. Then he asked me the question, a question that brought up memories of one reason I choosed to be in the closet. He asked if there was any other male family members that was going to carry the family name; there is not. I’m the only male from this side of the family, with the last name of Smith. I don’t know why that upseted me, it isn’t like the world is going to run out of Smiths, but it did, at one point in my life; maybe deep down it still does. Then he cracked a joke (or what I hope was a joke) that I should knock up some female first; then my sister chimed in that I should knock up some chick (one that has a bad reputation of sleeping around, that we joke about a lot); “She won’t keep you” was the punch line.

One thing I do remember saying, before he retrieved the sack, was that I told my sister that he was going to find out sooner or later. I guess that isn’t totally true; he told me that he never expected that I was gay, and my sister confirmed that when she told him that she didn’t think I was either. So I guess it’s my duty to show that gay people come in different types, that the one you least expect could be gay; even with my lack in interest in women, they still didn’t see who I truly was, and there are plenty more like me. I was kinda disappointed that they didn’t expect, even for a minute, that I was gay; I guess that shows how far I’ve come. It use to be that I would get angry whenever jokingly called me a fag, for fear that someone might hear that and wonder; but now that’s how I want to be seen, a gay man, a fag, a queer, a homosexual, a regular human being.

But over all I’m glad that I did it, or I’m glad the book did it (whatever). But, even now, I feel weird; I don’t know what to call it. It’s a mixture of relief and nervousness. Anyway, I guess that I’m overall proud of myself, and I couldn’t find a better straight male to come out to. I hope that he doesn’t act weird around me, now that he knows, but even if he does I probably would do it again in a heartbeat; I’m tired of hiding.

Hmmm… next Thursday Is going to be interesting, that’s probably the next time I’m going to see him, I guess 4 days is a good time period to let it sink in. But at least I don’t have to hide around him anymore.

Oh! And another thing he said, was if my other sister’s boyfriend says anything about fags I should get up and hit him that he’s afraid of me; that he thinks I could beat him up. Lol… I just keep thinking of the “fags are weak” stereotype.

P.S.
I’m soooo glad they didn’t have booze around, I could of drank a whole bottle of tequila because I was soooo nervous.

Also my sister said that he had found my gay pride stuff that I stashed at my sisters’ house, but she had told him that it was for a lesbian at work. So I guess he now knows that it is mine.