Finished Outing Yourself...
Ok, this has not happened in a long time, I read a book front to back within one day. I just finished Outing Yourself: How to Come Out as Lesbian or Gay to Your Family, Friends, and Coworkers (ISBN:0-684-82617-8). It was very informative, and I really enjoyed the little parts of storied he included in there. Many things those people were saying, I could really relate too, and made me feel better. Even though I’ve totally fucked up the order of which the book recommends to come out, I’m going to try to fallow some of its suggestions. I guess I’m going to come out OCT 11, unless something comes up, or I chicken out. I’m feeling good, but nervous about that date.
But how do I come out? The book talks about a face-to-face conversation, but I doubt I could do that. I was thinking more along the lines of a note, or just leaving this book out and letting them ask me. But I guess a face-to-face talk would be the best route, if only I could bring myself to do that; I guess I’ll have to wait and see. Damn I just looked at my calendar; OCT 11 is coming up soon. But I don’t think I can hide it anymore, I’m going to burst if I don’t let it out soon. I’ve even been feeling a little depressed lately, and I know it is because of the closet; damn I hate this prison I put myself in.
Why do I do this to myself? I know what I want, and I don’t allow myself to have it. I just want to be free from all these lies, but I’m too cowardly to do anything about it. I’m going to have to hurry up, get some more support, so I can fall back on them if things go wrong; I’m going to have to force myself to come out to my sisters’ 2 friends, my youngest sister’s boyfriend, and whoever else I can find; I need to free myself from this place…
"Man is free at the moment he wishes to be."
~Voltaire
posted by Brian Smith @ 3:06 AM
1 Comments:
Nice to see your coming out of the commenting closet. LOL j/k. but in all seriousness, thank you for commenting, I’ve probably said this a billon times, but knowing that people actually are reading this makes me feel a lot better, and hearing their comments makes me feel not so alone.
I wish that my desire to come out wasn’t there, but it is; and I’m going to have to force myself to face it. I wish I could live somewhere else, it would make it a lot easier, but I have school here and I can’t afford a dorm room or an apartment, so I’m stuck for now. Which give me little choice, either to come out, or keep hiding; and I’m tired of hiding.
The book I just read was a big help, even though there was a couple parts that made me laugh at it, but overall it was ‘one of the best things I could do for myself’. It did make me more comfortable with myself, just knowing that others have gone through the same thing I was and made it out ok, also gave me a boost.
I know the next few weeks will be, probably the most nerve-racking time in my life, but even though I don’t think I’m fully prepared, I’m going to try to move ahead. I believe that I’ve wasted too much time, that I don’t want to give anymore energy I have to keep this secret. I might have to give me some more time, if I believe that I need it; if I do that will be a victory, a victory for the closet, and I’m tired of it winning.
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P.S.
Good luck with school, and thanks again for commenting.
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