More of the same I guess...

Ok, i've survived.

Yesterday was the last Thanksgiving Dinner thingy or whatever. My mom's side had to wait 'till Saturday so that everyone's schedule would allow us all to get together... and some thought that Black Friday was bad...

Not that i don't like my family... it's just that i'd rather not have them all at once... in a confined space. Every remark seems to have a double meaning to me and... well... they are never good.

Probably the biggest downer was from last year around this time, i was going to do this and that... but in the end i folded. Still it isn't easy for me to be 'out' or whatever facsimile that i represent. Sometimes it becomes unbearable; but i press on with as much force as i can.

I can at least say this for the people that don't 'believed' in me, they somehow were ultra-effective on me. I'm still intimidated by other homosexuals, and still have a few ideas what it is to be 'Average Gay' (aka stereotypes). I'm also wondering about the extent of homophobia. Safety is a major concern of mine; how safe am i? I know i can't control the actions of other people (no matter how much i want to), but is a volent encounter ahead in my future or is it more of the same 'scare the homo' tactics used by those wishing to suppress homosexuals?

It also doesn't help that i get jittery when among strange crowds. Even a smaller crowd, if in close proximity makes me nervous. I get a lil paranoid. My heart races, and i feel a lil ill. A million 'bad' thoughts run though my head; the worse case scenarios.

but i'm getting off point; i was afraid that i would do what i did last year (take down the pride flag). I didn't want to do it then, and i surely didn't want to do it again. This year it stayed up. Big whoop. Obviously, i still have some work to do, but i'm getting there. It's all a matter of making the strange, familiar.

It actually took me years to get 'over' my shyness (not that i'm 100% over it, more like uhhh lets say about 20% over it.) It use to be real bad, i use to actually hide when asked a question. Yes, the question came first and then i ran and hid [i just remembered that]... i guess i wasn't smart enough to avoid the question asker in the first place.

;-)

I think that is what had me down mostly, now that I actually think about it.

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I found it funny...

Lesbians are taking over!

Got the link from Pam's House Blend