Words cannot descibe how much i love this song!
Staring at the sea
Will she come?
Is there hope for me?
After all is said and done
Anything at any price
All of this for you
All the spoils of a wasted life
All of this for you
All the world has closed her eyes
Tired faith all worn and thin
For all we could have done
And all that could have been
Ocean pulls me close
And whispers in my ear
The destiny I've chose
All becoming clear
The currents have their say
The time is drawing near
Washes me away
Makes me disappear
And I descend from grace
In arms of undertow
I will take my place
In the great below
I can still feel you
Even so far away
I can still feel you
Even so far away
I can still feel you
Even so far away
I can still feel you
Even so far away
Even so far away
Even so far away
Even so far away
So far away
Nine Inch Nails ~ The Great Below.
posted by Brian Smith @ 12:32 AM
6 Comments:
brian smith? the name sounds very familiar, but i can't place you. i know what you go through. i mean what someone goes through when they're comming out. i've been there. i lost a lot of people that i thought were friends. it's hard...really hard. especially in high school...especially in bristow.
WOW! Bristow!
It's nice to see people from Oklahoma visiting here, but from Bristow? Wow.
I didn't go to Bristow HS, i went to Depew HS, [i'm assuming that you goto Bristow HS] so you might not have heard of me; but if you did, you probably heard it from one of my sisters, Brandy and Heather.
Sorry to hear about those people that you thought were your friends, but i now think of it like this: the friends i have that will accept this part of me, will mean so much more to me then when i was acting.
I've found that me and the people i've told have became more close. And the people i've talked to online, have been very important to me; I can actually tell them stuff, that i feel like i can't with other people. This blog is a perfect example, it's my way of saying stuff that i won't allow myself to say otherwise. I just wish i had used this tool, in Highschool. Because HS was tough, and i wish i could have found the courage to do this during that time. But i'm just going to have to buckel down, and try to pick up the peices and see what i can make of myself; so when i do go to my High School Reunion, it will be me there, and not that shell.
well, it sounds to me like you have this all figured out. it's nice to see that someone is actually opening up about everything and trying to help out. as for those who didn't understand, i can't bring myself to look at it as though i really and truly lost a lot when they left. i might have felt like i did at the time, but really i was gaining everything.
Not quite all of it, still nervous a bit, but as for losing friends; pfff... bye, motherfuckers!
After reading your post, i though about it a bit; if a person i thought was a friend would leave me for this part of me, that has always been a part of me, then it's their loss. Not because i'm entertaining or interesting, just because of shit i'm willing to do. I'm the type that would go under the knife for someone, i've always been like that. Around 7th or 8th grade, my cousin got away from her mom, and ran out into main street Bristow. I ran out for her, and almost got hit, it was just a gut reaction, and even if i knew i would have got hit i would still have done it. and i know if a friend was in dire need of something, they would get it one way or another. and if they want to give that up, by all means do so, no sweat off my back.
i know what you mean. fuck 'em. i'm not worried about it. a couple of the girls said they always knew but never wanted to come out and say it. then after i finally said it, they were like "i can't do this. i know you won't hit on me and whatnot, but it's kind of uncomfortable cause i look back at all the times you slept over or i came to your house and it's just weird!!!" i was just like that's fucked up!!! you were cool with me before even though you thought i was gay, but now i'm fucked because now that you KNOW FOR SURE, you feel uncomfortable!??!?! that's bullshit. but all it is is highschool DRAMA!!! the number one thing i hate about highschool is the DRAMA BULLSHIT that EVERYONE CREATES AND FEEDS!!!
I do wonder if people think that i'm going to hit on them too; But that isn't going to happen. Basically, it boils down to, most of my straight male friends are ugly* [inside or out, you pick], save one or two. Sorry, but they are. I could never imagine myself with one of them [insert shudder], because most of them are almost like family, because i've spent as much time with them then my real sisters. If i think about it, there has only been 3 guys from Highschool that i had major crushes on, and they all have been people that transferred in. During the first 4 years of collage, there were none, but that was because i was surrounded by people i wasn't attracted too. During TCC i was attracted to a couple people, and now in OSU-Tulsa there have been quite a few more. But i'd never make an advance unless they make it first, and you'd have to slap me in the face with your scrotum, for me to realize you were making a move.
But not everyone is like that, in fact, my little sister’s boyfriend knows I’m gay and I have stayed at his house before, at his offering. But it’s that whole, they might fantasize thing, I think. But damn, I don’t go around worrying about females dreaming about my hot body pressed against theirs, but I still hang out with them. I just know that if they get a little frisky, it doesn’t make me straight.
*= Ugly... that’s a tough one, my sister claims Dave Attell is Ugly, but I think he’s hot as fuck. So I might not be the best judge of ugly, I just know I’m not attracted to them in the least.
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