What have i Done.
My teacher has replied to my email. She said that when she gets back to Tulsa she would mail me again, with more feedback. But I wonder what have I done, some parts of me are glad she knows. But other parts are wishing I have never told anyone, I don't want to be looked at different. Even though she took it well, I’ll never be the same to her, or anyone I decide to come out too. Its scary, I’ve been seen one way my entire life, and now I’m going to have to start all over again. Will people I know ever trust me again? I wish that they could look past my sexuality. But I barely accept it, what would make them any different? I wish I could start all over, with a clean slate, far away from here.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only gay man in this world, this universe who feels the same way I do. But lately someone who says that he can relate has contacted me. And I believe him. Reading Koge's Blog is something I recommend, it's new, but so is mine. Thank you Koge, From Grits to Gringa, boabhan sith, sunnytraveller, and my composition teacher Melanie. For making me a little stronger, and a whole lot better. Just knowing someone else is out there is a comfort to me.
posted by Brian Smith @ 12:33 AM
1 Comments:
Thanks as always, your comments make me feel a whole lot better about being me. And telling her was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I barely submitted that first email, if I was a little bit faster it would of never got through (I tried to Alt-F4 my browser, but I was too late). And when I emailed her the second time, this time to actually tell her I was gay, it scared me. When I was in my A+ hardware Class, checking my email, I seen that she replied, to my second email. It was almost like someone punched me in the stomach. I hurried and closed the window without reading it, and my hands shook the rest of the class. I was almost certain that my teacher would ask why I was shaking; I even had a lie ready. That was the longest ride home I have ever had, and as soon as I got home I immediately opened my browser to yahoo's site. Even before I got logged in, I felt a sense of dread come over me. Lucky for me, it was unfounded, and I am grateful that she took it well. This is a milestone in my life, and if she rejected me I don't know what I would of done.
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