::People I Know:: Composition II Teacher

I met her the second semester at TCC (side note: my comp I teacher was boring as fuck), and the first day I knew that I probably would like that class. I’m glad that I took technical writing at OSU-Okmulgee, instead of composition, because If I didn’t I would never have met her.

She always seemed friendly and she always had an option on everything; options which I shared. And her class wasn’t only about writing, it had a political feel to it. Many things we read and wrote about were current events. If there is one thing that made me want to vote, it is she and bush being an asshole

I guess that since she talked about her options and I agreed with them, I felt that I could trust her; and that is why she was the first, person I have met, I told that I was gay. Even though I though she could be trusted, it was still difficult to tell her, I didn’t want to be looked at differently, I didn’t want the possibility that she wouldn’t like me, and I didn’t want the possibility that she would tell anyone. So being as paranoid as I am, I contacted her about confidentiality rules TCC had, before I told her that I was gay. As you could of guessed, I did tell her. In one email she told me that she was they’re if I needed to talk.

I took her up on that offer, a couple days ago. I went to pick up my diploma, I was suppose to go with the assholes, but I knew that I wanted to talk to her while I had an excuse to be there. So I made up a bullshit story, and went by myself. The whole night before the day I was going to go, I didn’t get any sleep. A couple times I thought that I wasn’t going to talk to her, that I always could do it later, and even when I was at TCC I thought that. But her office is right across from exit door that I was going to be going out of, and for some reason I went right out of the doors of the TCC bursars office, and directly into the doors on the other side, toward her office. I walked into the building and looked at her office door, and it wasn’t very bright in there (or maybe it was me being nervous, and not wanting her to be there), and almost left to go to the car; but then she moved her arm and I saw it. Knowing that really wanted to talk to her, even though I was scared to death, I knocked on her door. She waved me in, and I sat down.

I said hi, and she asked me what I was up too, and I told her that I just learned that I passes my calculus III class, and was picking up my diploma. Then she asked me how I was doing, and I told her that I wasn’t doing too well. She asked if it was about ‘it’. And I nodded. She told me that it was sad that I have to go through that, and that people should be more accepting. Then she told me that I wasn’t the first to come out to her, that she had a relative that told her that they were gay, and that she knew some gay people in OKC (Oklahoma city). Then, I don’t remember how though, we were talking about those assholes (I think she asked me if they knew), and I let her know what they said; and she seemed shocked. She said that even though she didn’t know them that well, she thought that they would be more accepting. But I guess they are like me, they have another side; I have my gay and not-so-gay side, and they have their asshole and not-so-asshole side. But we all know that one side is real, the other isn’t; I am gay and they are assholes. But when I told her what they said about gays adopting, It felt like I didn’t even say the words, almost like someone else did and I was moving my lips; the statement they said brings only hatred to me, it should of never been repeated, and I hope that one day I can forget that it was ever said. Even though it was only repeated, to let her know what was said, I’m ashamed that it came from my mouth; but people need to know that there is people who say that shit and believe it.

Then we talked about school a little, then she told me to email her, and she would talk to the people in OKC. She told me that she had a class she needed to get to, and I said goodbye, we hugged, and I left. While walking toward the car, I felt more powerful then I ever had felt before, almost like I accomplished the impossible and was invincible. Feeling too good to go back home, I stayed in Tulsa the rest of the day, looking for gay pride stuff and books on coming out. Found no books and little gay pride stuff, but nonetheless I had a good time.