007: Smith, Brian Smith.
Ok… just told the 7th person today…
My Sisters’ friend, not the gay guy though, just her. I told her while she was working; she was running the cash register and I went to her line to check out. She asked me how I was doing, I said bad (it reminded me of south park, I should of said ‘Chef ‘). She asked me what was wrong, I told her that I was gay (I actually said it this time) and her response was unique; she seemed not to be phased nor shocked about it. She didn’t even say “really?” like everyone else did, she just said “I love gay men”. She asked if I just found out or if I had known all along, I confirmed that I knew all along. Then I told her why I wasn’t doing so good, I told her that I’m going to have to come out to my parents. She gave a little, that’s really bad, “ohhh” noise. She said that I shouldn’t worry that she knew a couple gay guys and that I could still have a normal life being gay. I also told her that my sisters knew and that I’m trying to summon up the courage to come out OCT 11th the day before my birthday (also national coming out day). She smiled and said, “Yea. You should do that, they can't be mad at you on your birthday”.
Overall this was an important coming out event, this is the first time I’ve ever came out to someone by actually saying “I’m gay”. The others either had to guess or read it (either through emails or my book cover deal with my sister’s boyfriend). I cannot believe, this time I actually said it, and I am glad I did.
“I’m Gay”
posted by Brian Smith @ 6:34 PM
2 Comments:
Thanks! I was just going to tell her to call me, that i needed to tell her something, but i guess i picked up a pair of balls on aisle 3; before i knew it i was talking to her.
I was all ready, after telling her, to say yes when she would ask me if i telling the truth; i was kinda stunned when she didn't ask me that.
She looked excited, i probably looked like i was about to pass out, when i told her. It would be nice if everyone reacted that way, but sadly that's not the case; this might sound sick, but i have days were i find myself looking forward to my first 'bad reaction', just to get that part out of the way. I just hope that reaction isn't from anyone I’m close to.
and for the 11th, i still haven't figured out a way to go about it. I'm going to have to make a plan, and hopefully it goes smoothly.
Just bring it on bitches. I want to get it over with, so i can get a feel of how people can react. I don't think that there bad reaction will drive me deeper in the closet, i belive , for me, that it would push me futher out. Whenever someone made fun of my clothes or my hair, i try to be more outragious (i've gone through so many hair colors [a different one for each semester - except this one though :( ], lol) - just to piss them off and show them i don't care. I don't know why that hasn't applied to my sexuality, i guess because i belived for so long that my sexuality effected others; but it dosn't it only effects me.
But anyways, every time i day-dream about a bad reaction, the dream has a point where i say "Is that the best you can do?", i just hope i can say that in real life.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home